Letting go of a relationship is painful.

When a relationship ends

• Complex emotions can be stirred up and your life feels like it is in a spin.
• You need to make  sense of what has happened
• There may be unfinished business to resolve
• You experience strong feelings of loss and anxiety
• Need to gain the confidence to take risks again and feel positive about being in relationships

It can be an emotional roller coaster

For a lot of people the ending of a relationship is an intense time.

Feeling rejected can bring up strong emotions of loss and grief. You may feel desperate to fix what went wrong, unable to sleep, feeling anxious and depressed. This can lead to obsessing about what you could have done to prevent it and difficulty accepting the decision.  Sometimes when a relationship has been short lived you can be left with strong emotions that are hard to understand.  You may feel short changed and that the relationship ended before it even began.

You may struggle with responsibility for ending the relationship

Perhaps you are dealing with guilt as the one who made the decision to end a relationship.  It can be unbearable to see people you care about in distress.  You may find yourself acting with anger and resentment because you want them to not feel upset with you.  Or their grief may make it hard to be honest and direct about your feelings.

Going back and forth

Feeling ambivalent about the ending of a relationship is very common.  It can feel unclear and confusing.  Feelings of loss and anxiety can cause uncertainty about a decision to end the relationship.   This may cause a cycle of splitting up and getting back together.

Do you feel a burden to your friends and family when you talk about how you feel?

Counselling can provide a space to explore what has happened.

The ending of a relationship can be an opportunity to examine relationship patterns when:

• you find yourself in similar dynamics and experiences
• your grief and loss seems bigger than the loss of this relationship
• you keep selecting partners that do not meet your needs
• it is difficult to change unhealthy relationships

'A few years back, a good friend of mine mentioned Delyse and her counselling service to me during a difficult spell in my life. My friend noticed back then I was struggling after having gone through another failed relationship. At that time I ignored the advice, and, I believe, subconsciously, refused to acknowledge this negative pattern I was in. A couple of years went by, and I found myself in a terrible downward spiral, whereby I was involved in dead-end relationships, looking for love in all the wrong places, as they say. At the same time, I lost my father to cancer and yet another romantic relationship ended with me feeling the most angry, sad, confused, jealous feelings I have ever felt. My world was glassed in negativity and I really felt like I was going to crack. I recalled my friend's advice about Delyse, and so I looked her up on the Internet and called her right away. My experience with Delyse has been a calming, slow progression, which at first I felt impatient, because I was looking for a quick answer, a quick fix. With her ability to listen intently and the wisdom she imparted enabled me to recognize the triggers which kept me bound in my negative cycle. Delyse is funny, a great listener, and provides gentle reminders during those times the blinders become engaged. At times, I do face the same negative feelings but with Delyse's guidance, I have the ability now to recognize them in advance, sit with it, take things at face value now, and am much more calmer and patient and loving towards myself than I've ever felt. I highly recommend her to anyone seeking help and guidance, as she was a gift to me." Client