Are you ready for change? Relationship counselling can help

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It is common for relationships to experience difficulties and challenges at times. But if you are feeling stuck in a cycle then you may need some help to get you back on track.

It is common for couples to

• Lose trust and intimacy slowly and gradually so that you wake up one day wondering what happened
• Communicate in ways that make it harder to understand each other
• Think about ending the relationship or fear your partner will leave
• Have discussions that degenerate into proving who is right or wrong
• Lose the feeling of relationship as a sanctuary with safety and closeness

We don't usually start relationships with arguing, blaming, emotional distance, and betrayal.  We start out with lots of playfullness, hope, excitement and loving feelings.  So why do things change?  There seems to be a time in all relationships where challenges arise.  How you deal with this transition effects whether you begin to break the original emotional bond or strengthen it.  You may find it useful to read about  Stages and challenges in relationships  which will help you to understand where you have got stuck.

How do couples break the emotional bond?

As things become challenging there are a number of ways you can break the emotional bond, here are a few of them

• Defensiveness – anger and self-righteousness
• Saying hurtful things – becoming critical and attacking
• Shutting down – keeping things to yourself, especially hurts, resentments and desires
• Withholding attention, responses, and feeling punishing towards your partner

You may have noticed a few patterns

The most common pattern in relationships is the pursuer/withdrawer dynamic. One of you may typically attempt to get your needs met through demands, criticism and wanting to know what is going on (pursuing). Then again, one of you may attempt to cope with conflict by shutting down, becoming distracted, taking space, and withdrawing. Each 'role' in the dynamic triggers your partner's behaviour. The more the pursuer pushes the more the other withdraws.

Let's work together to get your relationship where you want it

Making a commitment

For years I experienced overwhelming fears that prevented me from making any kind of commitment to my girlfriend. I felt absolutely stuck, continuously getting closer and further apart, closer and further apart …. and I felt frustrated … so I decided to get the help of a counsellor. Delyse helped me through individual counselling and helped me and my partner in marriage counselling sessions as a couple. With Delyse's help, I was able to make great progress in discovering and experiencing the root cause of my fears and to eventually dissolve my fears to the point where I was able to make a commitment I actually wanted. MY girlfriend also discovered fears of her own and was then able to address them! We are also new parents to a brand new baby boy! I highly recommend Delyse as a counsellor who has the experience, insight and approach to help with the problems of an individual or couple.' Keith Vancouver BC

Facing the past can improve relationships

Counselling helped me achieve a new viewpoint and understanding about my life – to cut myself some slack and realize that much of the pressure I find myself under is exerted by me! Delyse was able to help me find the ways I had hidden to my own Pandora's box and it wasn't frightening at all – a little sad sometimes, but not scary. Delyse helped me recognize things that had influenced my life were 'influences' only but that I still remained in charge of the final decisions. I have experienced renewed enthusiasm about what I can accomplish within relationships that I already enjoy! ' Ruby

Marriage and Couples Counselling

Here is what you can do :

• Sign up for Delyse's newsletter and receive 'Eleven signs of a healthy relationship'. This will provide you with a framework of the kind of issues we work on in counselling. PLUS you will receive ongoing articles that address the kinds of issues you encounter in your relationship or personal struggles.
• Make an Appointment Now. We have worked with hundreds of couples,  helping people develop satisfying relationships is our passion.  Our training includes Emotionally Focused Therapy, and the Developmental Approach to couples by Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson.  Read more on couples counselling and how to get the most out of the experience.
• With over 25 years experience we have had the pleasure of working with many couples including same sex couples, those in alternative lifestyles such as polyamory and open relationships, relationships that are dealing with infidelity, grief, mental illness, and non-traditional sex roles.