Has your world been turned upside down by infidelity?
- Confused about staying or leaving
- Having difficulty being around each other and coping with your daily lives together
- Feeling anxious and obsessive
- Feeling guilt and shame and don’t know what to do to make it better
- So angry that it ‘s hard to talk about what happened
These are typical responses to the disclosure of infidelity
Putting the pieces back together may feel impossible but believe it or not more couples survive infidelity than end their relationship. This is important to know as you try and figure out what to do
If you can, give yourself some time before making any decisions about the relationship
For the betrayed partner
You have been traumatized. You may feel numb and in a trance at first, hardly able to believe what you have found out. Feelings of anger, hurt, and shame come and go in waves. Pictures of your partner with someone else keep coming into your mind. You keep obsessing over what happened and continually look for signs of more betrayal. You see your partner as a stranger and wonder if everything they have ever told you is a lie. You may feel you are betraying yourself to stay in the relationship.
For the involved partner
You feel so ashamed and afraid. When you want to work on your relationship you live with the fear that your partner may walk out, and you want to say and do anything to fix things. Whether it has been a long affair or a short involvement you didn’t start out intending to betray your partner and don’t understand how you could have got into such a mess. It feels as if all your friends and family have turned their back on you and have no time for hearing about your pain in all of this. Part of you may feel glad that it is out in the open as you can stop living two lives, but you wonder if there is any light at the end of the tunnel.
Counselling can help you to put the pieces back together
The shame of infidelity can make the thought of reaching out and seeking counselling the last thing you want to do. It takes courage for everyone involved to face what has happened, but when you do you are beginning to put the pieces back together. Making that call to start counselling is a statement that you want to take charge of your life.
It is important to me to support both of you to face what has happened, understand the impact of this event on your relationship, and identify things you both can do to begin to recover.
Counselling for individuals
- to sort through how you are feeling and gain some clarity about how you want to proceed
- to deal with ambivalence about being in a relationship and give you a place to sort through conflicting feelings
- to deal with separation and betrayal no matter what position you have been in
- if you repeatedly become involved in affairs and bad choices and want to change your behavior
Counselling for couples
- Regaining the trust and intimacy in a relationship takes time. On average it takes 6 months to a year to recover from the main effects of infidelity. Counselling is a safe place to learn ways to reconnect and develop trust again.