Counselling for your Relationship
It is likely that you are experiencing one or more of the following difficulties;
- Constant arguing and hurtful exchanges that are hard to control
- You don’t seem to make progress because the same issues keep coming up
- You are communicating in ways that make it harder to understand each other
- You have lost your closeness and connection
- There is a loss of trust because of betrayal
- Discussions escalate into proving who is right or wrong
- There is a lack of intimacy and sex life
- You have been thinking about ending the relationship or fear your partner will leave
We recognize there are many ways to be in relationship/s and welcome couples who identify as:
- Heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bi-, queer, and questioning,
- Cis, non-binary, trans gendered, or gender nonconforming
- Monogamous, polyamorous,
- Married, unmarried, with children, and without
We understand that you did not start your relationship with arguing, blaming, emotional distance, and betrayal, but had hope, excitement, and loving feelings.
In-person and Online sessions available
For in-person sessions, we have 2 locations. Online booking available.
404 - 999 Canada Pl, Vancouver.
11420 Pemberton Cres, North Delta.
So why did things change?
There seems to be a time in all relationships when challenges arise. This occurs as you notice differences and behaviour that you don’t like. When this happens you likely experience disappointment and anxiety that can feel very threatening to the relationship.
How you deal with this transition affects whether you begin to break the original emotional bond or strengthen it. Over time partners develop dynamics and strategies to deal with feeling threatened or anxious.
At Turning Point we are guided by and trained in a number of therapy approaches and we continue to stay updated on research about what works in our relationships today. These include Relational Life Therapy by Terry Real, Developmental Couples Counselling developed by Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, Gottman Approach, Emotionally Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson, and work by Ester Perel, and Stan Tatkin.
Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls... Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
How Do We Break the Bond?
As things become challenging, partners develop dynamics and behaviours to attempt to pull each other back into more ‘togetherness’, rather than developing mature intimacy. You might do this by one of the following ways.
- Defensiveness – anger and self-righteousness.
- Saying hurtful things – becoming critical and attacking.
- Shutting down – keeping things to yourself, especially hurts, resentments and desires.
- Withholding attention, responses, and feeling punishing towards your partner.
- Avoiding conflict and uncomfortable subjects, and maintaining agreement and compliance.
'These behaviours develop as a way of dealing with the anxiety that arises as you experience disappointments and misunderstandings between you. As these behaviours become habits it is less likely your relationship will mature.'
You may have noticed a few patterns
The most common pattern in relationships is the pursue/withdraw dynamic. Where one of you may typically attempt to get your needs met through demands, criticism, and wanting to know what is going on (pursuing). Then again, the other partner may try to cope with conflict by shutting down, becoming distracted, taking space, and withdrawing. Each 'role' in the dynamic triggers your partner's behaviour. The more the pursuer pushes, the more the other withdraws.
Let's work together to get your relationship where you want it to be
At Turning Point we have many years of experience in couples counselling, and strive to create a space where you both feel safe and supported.
Couples Counselling Provides;
- A space to hear both sides of the problem and explore your experience
- Create opportunities for you to practice new communication skills
- Help you share vulnerable feelings and experiences with each other
- Identify relationship dynamics and explore your ways of relating
- Provide instruction to slow down and change your reactions to each other
- Provide structure and boundaries to lessen escalation of arguments
- Find the ways you already have of connecting and strengthen them
Welcome to our YouTube channel Making Sense with Delyse
I started this channel to promote content on relationships and mental health struggles that made sense of that in the context of what has happened to us. Rather than what we call the disease model that sees emotional and mental challenges as something inherently broken in the person.
You can join me on YouTube.