Finding the support you need when a relationship ends.

Are you …

• Having difficulty letting go of a relationship
• Do you doubt you made the  right decision 
• Does your fear of being alone prevent you from leaving an unsatisfying or abusive relationship?
• Do you want someplace to talk about your feelings and not feel like a burden?

Separating from someone you have built a life with is difficult.

When a relationship ends:

• it takes time to recover
• you need to make  sense of what has happened
• there may be unfinished business to resolve
• need someone to support you as you experience strong emotions
• learn how to take risks again and feel positive about being in relationships

The emotional roller coaster

For a lot of people the ending of a relationship is an intense time.

Feeling rejected can bring up strong emotions of loss and grief. You may feel desperate to fix what went wrong, unable to sleep, feeling anxious and depressed. This can lead to obsessing about what you could have done to prevent it and difficulty accepting the decision. Sometimes when a relationship has been short lived you can be left with strong emotions that are hard to understand. You may feel short changed and that the relationship ended before it even began.

You may be struggling with responsibility for ending the relationship.

Perhaps you are dealing with guilt as the one who made the decision to end a relationship. You may be carrying the responsibility for disrupting the lives of all those involved and find it unbearable to see people you care about in distress. You may find yourself acting with anger and resentment because you want them to not feel upset with you. Or their grief may make it hard to be honest and direct about your feelings.

Going back and forth.

Feeling ambivalent at this time and going through different emotions is very common. Deciding to end a relationship naturally brings up internal conflicts and self examination. It can be similar to an alcoholic deciding to stop drinking – it doesn't mean they are not going to want to drink! At times it seems so much easier to go back to how things were even when it is clear that the relationship was not working. Being alone can feel empty and you may fear that you will never be in a relationship again.

Psychotherapy can provide the answers

Counselling and psychotherapy helps you to work through internal conflicts so you can move on with greater understanding and compassion for yourself.

The ending of a relationship no matter how painful it is can be an opportunity to examine underlying patterns and deal with unfinished business from the past.

• Do you find yourself in similar dynamics and experiences in relationships?
• Do you feel overwhelmed by grief and loss that seems to be bigger than the loss of this relationship?
• Do you keep selecting partners with similar traits who bring up similar experiences from relationship to relationship?
• Perhaps you have been able to identify how your partners seem to recreate experiences from your family but have not found a way to change it?

Recovering from failed relationships

A few years back, a good friend of mine mentioned Delyse and her counselling service to me during a difficult spell in my life. My friend noticed back then I was struggling after having gone through another failed relationship. At that time I ignored the advice, and, I believe, subconsciously, refused to acknowledge this negative pattern I was in. A couple of years went by, and I found myself in a terrible downward spiral, whereby I was involved in dead-end relationships, looking for love in all the wrong places, as they say. At the same time, I lost my father to cancer and yet another romantic relationship ended with me feeling the most angry, sad, confused, jealous feelings I have ever felt. My world was glassed in negativity and I really felt like I was going to crack. I recalled my friend's advice about Delyse, and so I looked her up on the Internet and called her right away. My experience with Delyse has been a calming, slow progression, which at first I felt impatient, because I was looking for a quick answer, a quick fix. With her ability to listen intently and the wisdom she imparted enabled me to recognize the triggers which kept me bound in my negative cycle. Delyse is funny, a great listener, and provides gentle reminders during those times the blinders become engaged. At times, I do face the same negative feelings but with Delyse's guidance, I have the ability now to recognize them in advance, sit with it, take things at face value now, and am much more calmer and patient and loving towards myself than I've ever felt. I highly recommend her to anyone seeking help and guidance, as she was a gift to me." D.C. Vancouver, BC.

I have experience with:

Separation and loss. I have worked with hundreds of people dealing with separation and loss of many kinds. Relationships ending is one of the most common reasons people come to see me for counselling.

Understanding why a relationship ends. This is often the biggest question people have at the end of a relationship. It is important that you come to your own understanding to be able to move on.

Mediation. If you require counselling to sort out separation agreements involving children or assets it can be useful to come for mediation before involving lawyers. Coming to counselling together can also be useful to help understand why it has come to an end.

Different types of relationships. I have worked with people separating from marriage, same sex relationships, abusive relationships, short encounters, obsessions and infidelity.