This article discusses the nature of ambivalence in relationships, and the resulting dynamics.

Ambivalence occurs in intimate relationships when there is the coexistence of opposing emotions and desires towards the other that create an uncertainty about being in the relationship. It is our nature to split our experience into polarities, such as good/bad, right/wrong and emotions such as love/hate, joy/sadness. One could say that we constantly deal with the opposite of our experience even if that is unconscious. As we become closer to our beloved and feel connected our experience is defined by the possibility of separation. Every time we say ‘yes’ there is a ‘no’ in the background informing our choice. If I am saying ‘yes’ to something wholeheartedly, I can feel that yes in every cell of my being. ‘No ‘ has been considered and rejected, however fleetingly, and my ‘yes’ has the quality of certainty. If my desire to say ‘no” interferes with my ‘yes’ it will be said with hesitation and doubt, and a lingering uneasy feeling that causes me to hold back; I am unable to fully commit to that yes. So not only does the opposite polarity define my experience but the degree to which I have integrated it into my consciousness will also affect my experience. Ambivalence could be said to occur when we are stuck between two polarities, and unable to reconcile them.
Continue reading Neither in nor Out