Tuesday, 4th of August 2009 at 10:27:00 PMI have been thinking about the continuum between neglect and intrusion. These aspects are present in every relationship to some degree most of the time. As we set a boundary with our partner they may crash into it! Some of us are more sensitive to intrusion while others are sensitive to neglect. Neither are pleasant! You could say that both responses are a form of neglect as they disregard the needs of the other. So from this perspective, neglect on it’s own is a message that you do not exist for me. From some of the research we know that a ‘lack of response’ to your partner is more detrimental to the relationship’s success than being mean and critical (intrusion). It seems that it is better to be seen negatively than not at all!
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How are you Attached?
Last night I was having a discussion with my husband about some of our experiences growing up and how that shows up in our relationship. I was reading about what in the field is called ‘attachment styles’ and the different styles we have learned – it became really apparent where my husband and I can affect each other because of our different styles!! After a number of ‘that is so you’ comments by both of us we could learn more about each other by understanding where this came from. |
Delyse Ledgard Registered Clinical Counsellor |
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